


Needs More Chainsaw

by Jedi Buttercup (jedibuttercup)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Sharknado (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Episode: s07e22 Chosen, Gen, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017), Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 06:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11799951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedibuttercup/pseuds/Jedi%20Buttercup
Summary: A guy named Fin fighting sharks? Well, Buffy couldn't say he didn't own his theme.





	Needs More Chainsaw

**Author's Note:**

> Because I DVR'ed the fifth Sharknado movie and watched it last Friday night with my disaster-movie fan of a mom, and both of us laughed until it hurt.

Buffy figured she could be excused for not noticing another car parked on the edge of the Sunnydale Crater in the immediate adrenaline-soaked aftermath of her own group's escape. All the losses, the injuries, the sheer impossibility of what they'd just managed to pull off; David Hasselhoff could have walked up in a Speedo just then, and she wouldn't even have noticed him.

After a few minutes, though, the euphoria had started to wear off; a fierce itch was making itself known in her side where her wound was starting to knit back together; and her sharp hearing was picking up a pair of voices that definitely didn't belong, carrying clearly over the murmurs of her friends talking and the new Slayers exchanging first aid on the bus. 

"...harder to steer than it looks," one of the strangers was saying. "We're _supposed_ to have come out at the site of the first one; either that, or the place where they were finally defeated back in the old days. But this looks like California to me."

First one? Final defeat? Buffy's ears pricked up at what sounded like a vague reference to Sineya and the Old Ones, and she turned sharply, her inner Slayer searching for the intruders.

" _Any_ place and time is better than where you picked me up," the other one was replying as she zeroed in on the source of the sound; this one sounded rougher, like it had been awhile since he'd used his voice. He _looked_ pretty rough, too, as she finally found them a little ways around the curve of the crater from where she stood: an average-looking forty-something guy with a stubbly jaw and dusty, ragged clothes, wearing an expression like the Platonic ideal of stoic manpain.

His partner was obviously older though built on a larger scale, muscley and square-jawed and wearing a really dorky helmet with what looked like a shark fin sticking out of it. In direct contrast to that rather unique fashion choice, the pair were standing in front of a military-ish vehicle, festooned with weapons like extras from an apocalypse movie. Not that she had any stones to throw there, given what had just happened. But _they_ hadn't been in the Hellmouth; were they refugees from the military base?

"There are people here still," the smaller guy continued, to her increasing alarm. "That means we've got time to stop it from going global, regardless of whether the portal brought us to the right place. But how do you know this _isn't_ where the first one happened? That hole in the ground... you think a big enough Sharknado could have done that?" 

_Sharknado_? The word was like a record-scratch across Buffy's brain; something was _really_ not computing, here, but the mention of portals was definitely something she couldn't ignore.

"Uh, Giles," she said carefully, raising her voice enough to catch the other Scoobies' attention but hopefully not carrying around to the strangers. "Does the word 'Sharknado' mean anything to you?"

" _Sharknado_?" Dawn interjected, sounding startled. "I ask you what we're gonna do now, and you say _sharknado_? Please tell me we're not actually talking about something that sounds like a smushname of sharks and tornados, because that doesn't sound like a vacation to me."

"I dunno," Xander put in, wryly. "Anything would be a step down after the vampzillas, I guess. Faith, you fought alligators before-- ever fight a shark?"

"In a _tornado_?" Faith snorted. "B, you okay? That's... oh. Hello to the random tourists; you listening in on them?" The other Slayer's voice sharpened as she realized where Buffy's focus was; she'd probably been listening for Robin on the bus, before.

"Maybe; I dunno, Dad," the bigger guy was replying to his younger-looking friend. "Maybe we should ask the folks over there by the road? They look like maybe they were involved."

 _Dad?_ Buffy's alarm ratcheted up another notch; the situation just kept getting weirder, an impression only heightened by the concern in Giles' voice as her Watcher finally replied to her question.

"I did encounter mention of a shark god associated with waterspouts in apocryphal records in the Council library, once. There was some reference to an altar under Stonehenge, and another near the Sphinx, but given that neither location is directly adjacent to an ocean, that collection of prophecies had been discredited. I have never heard of sharks being mentioned in that sort of context elsewhere, however." 

"You have now," Buffy replied, reaching out to take her sister's hand. "Incoming."

She felt more than saw Xander, Willow, and Faith forming up behind them as Giles stepped forward on her other side; and just like that, they snapped back to readiness, as if they hadn't left the fight behind. Funny thing, though, the 'dad' guy's expression didn't change as he followed where the other guy was pointing; he just looked at them, then nodded and started over without any kind of a pause. As if... maybe _he_ hadn't left _his_ fight behind, either.

Buffy glanced over at the bus, to make sure everyone else was still okay, and caught a line of young Slayer faces appearing at the windows. Andrew briefly popped up, but someone shush'ed him down again; Willow took the cue to wave a hand in that direction, a pearlescent wave of energy sweeping up like a shield.

The strangers paused mid-stride to take that in; then, strangely, seemed to perk up a little.

"Maybe you _can_ help us," the younger, gruffer one said as they approached. He swept an eye over all of them, then zeroed in on Buffy with no hesitation. "My name is Fin Shepard. This is my son, Gil. And we're here to save the world from the coming sharkopalypse."

"Just when you thought it was safe to put down the Scythe," Buffy replied, raising an eyebrow. A guy named _Fin_ fighting sharks? Well, she couldn't say he didn't own his theme, and it was at least a little less on the nose than that literal demon loan shark's name. Which, huh. Could Teeth have something to do with this? Spike would say....

She swallowed down that thought and continued. "Usually we get a year between apocalypse seasons." 

"I prefer a chainsaw, myself," he replied. "And it's not what's about to happen, but what _has_ happened that we're trying to track down, so we can figure out where it all started and stop it from spiraling out of control."

"I think I've seen this movie," Willow spoke up, very skeptically. "Aren't you supposed to say, 'come with me if you want to live'?"

"Which one? The first two were all right," Fin replied, weirdly earnest. "But the message in the other three got a little mixed."

"...Other _three_?" Xander blurted. "You mean they make two more? But how does that even work without the Governator?"

Gil replied before his 'dad' could, shrugging it off. "Not the important thing here; you'll find out for yourselves in a few years anyway. Uh, what year is this exactly, by the way?"

"2004, why? When are _you_ from?" Dawn replied.

"So much for sleeping for a week," Buffy muttered under her breath. Sharknadoes? Sure, why not.


End file.
